


Baby Sleep In Peace Tonight

by peacefulboo



Series: Round and Round the Flames [3]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Birth, Other, Polyamory, Pregnancy, smoaking canarrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 11:04:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1302562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacefulboo/pseuds/peacefulboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fear can be crippling or motivating. And sometimes both all at once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Sleep In Peace Tonight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaegermighty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaegermighty/gifts).



> Over on Tumblr, jaegermighty posted a list of prompts, including "smoaking canarrow, sara gets pregnant." This is my version of that fic. I'm kind of embarrassed now that I know others wrote their version already but, oh well. Here you have it. 
> 
> Thanks for reading this weirdass thing and as always, feedback is adored.

“For fuck's sake, Oliver. We don't go to the hospital when we're actually dying? Why the hell do you think I'm going to that place to give birth?”

They've been having this argument for weeks now, with Sara insisting that she will give birth either in the townhouse (with a midwife) or the foundry (if it happens, but obviously sans midwife) and Oliver stews and tries his damnedest to convince her to get an OB and have the kid at the hospital. 

Felicity (and Diggle and Roy) stay quiet on the matter for the most part. Felicity researches the hell out of it at the beginning, surprised by what she finds, and in the end she comes out more or less on Sara's side, but sympathizes enough with Oliver to keep her opinions to herself, for now at least. 

In the end Sara wins. Because she wins. And Oliver broods. 

And starts spending more time at the office and at Verdant and in the Foundry and less time touching Sara or talking to the kid still in her belly. Sara gives him a little time to work through his frustration, but not much. 

He comes home late one Thursday night, long after Sara has given in to her tired body's need for rest. The subtle shifting of Oliver climbing into bed behind her wakes her but she doesn't turn toward him. 

“I don't need you on board to do this.”

She lets the statement hang in the air. When he doesn't respond she sighs and continues, “I don't need you but I do want you. I know it's not something you understand or know and I wish I could tell you that you have all the time in the world to get comfortable with it. But you don't. There's a time limit on this. And you're going to miss things if you don't get on board.”

He huffs out a breath and again doesn't say anything. 

So she breaks and turns toward him. She reaches out to him and pulls his hand to her belly and holds it there. The kid's super active and it's still new enough for her that the movement fascinates her. 

Oliver's face immediately softens when he feels the small movement against his hand. The relief is almost overwhelming. The kid is moving and he knows enough to know that's a good sign. 

“I'm so scared, Sara.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Everything.”

“I'm going to need you to be a little more specific.” She no longer has to hold Oliver's hand to her belly, so she reaches up to run her hand through his hair doing her best to comfort. 

“We're having a fucking baby, Sara. A baby. And I can't get excited because I don't know how to keep them safe. It's bad enough with Felicity and Thea, but a baby is a sitting duck. And between the two of us? How many people do we have out to get us? And you don't even want to go to a fucking hospital to have the baby.”

“You think those things don't terrify me? I'm terrified that the League will change their mind, or Merlyn will finally pop back up and decide that Thea isn't a good enough target. Or the Bratva or the Triad...” she trails off. She can't focus on any of those things. “And I feel really fucking selfish for keeping this baby and then I feel like shit for feeling like I'm doing something wrong, but I can't focus on those things.”

“How do you stop being afraid?” '

“I haven't stopped being afraid. But in the league, there were these women, basically concubines for some of the higher ups. Quiet and meek and I hated them. I thought they were weak for staying, for not fighting. And maybe, in the end, they still were. But one day Nyssa took me across the village and into this small house and I noticed that most of the women had gathered and all I could hear was this low, wailing. One of the women was giving birth, surrounded by people but no one was holding her, no one was talking to her.” Sara takes a breath, remembering how she had not at all been ready for what she was about to see. 

“We got there late and she was already in a crouch and she pushed out the baby into her own hands and laid it on the floor and I kept expecting someone to pick up the kid and they all just waited, quiet, while she looked over her baby and when she was ready, she picked her baby up and pulled her to her chest and I've never in my life seen something so compelling.” 

Sara trailed off again, trying to figure out a way to explain to Oliver why that moment had been such a shift for her. Why it stuck with her. 

“Her name was Ashrita and she had so little control in her life. And I thought I was so different from her. I could fight and kill and hurt and she was quiet and had her children and the occasional night with the man that she both loved and hated and for the first time, seeing her in that moment after birth, I knew that she wasn't the weak one. I was.”

Not all the births in the village were that lovely or transformative for Sara, but she keeps those to herself. That's what the midwife is for. 

“You've never been weak, Sara. Never.”

She doesn't respond. It's not the point. 

They lay there staring at each other for a few moments, silent, for once not pissed at each other. She yawns, wide and long, effectively cutting off their eye contact and Ollie smiles, reveling in how cute she can be (how had he forgotten how cute she can be when she's half asleep?) before guiding her head down to his shoulder and closing his eyes. 

Days pass and slowly the relationship normalizes again. Oliver spends more and more time at Sara's side. They swap books on birth and pregnancy and parenting. They go for runs together, sometimes just the two of them, sometimes with Felicity or Digg. They practice yoga together and he even laughs when Sara's movements get gawky and awkward.

Sara goes with him to the Foundry and hangs out with Felicity. If she wasn't in love with her before, she certainly is now. How the hell can she be so kind and giving and generous and hella funny. 

They don't go to child birth classes because Sara isn't interested in holding to one way of doing this birth thing. She wants to keep her options open and move into different mental spaces and use different coping techniques as she moves through labor. That's her plan anyway. 

The kid in her belly grows more and more till breathing deeply gets difficult and she comes to understand that getting kicked in the ribs from the inside is only slightly less painful than getting kicked in the ribs from the outside. 

Sara quietly convinces Felicity and Thea and Sin to be there at her birth and they all agree but she knows it won't be anything like what she experienced in Nanda Parbat. She misses Nyssa more and more as the time draws near and she wishes she could be there to stand witness. She wishes that when she gathered her women together that they would be women at peace, that they'd understand why she is making the choices she's making. She wishes that Ashrita would be there, so she could draw from her strength. 

She considers whether Oliver should be there at all. In the village, birth was something that the women did on their own. Something sacred and female and as much as she'd love to recreate that experience here in their home, she knows she can't so she lets go of trying to mimic that experience and does her best to embrace what this will be. 

And she doesn't want him to miss this. Not if he's willing. 

And he is. 

So when Sara's contractions pick up at 41 weeks and 3 days, Oliver and Felicity and Sin and Thea are with her. The midwife arrives, listens to heart tones, quickly reassures the room that Sara's doing great and so is the baby, and then she quietly sits in a chair in the hallway knitting away. 

It's hard. Sara has experienced a lot of pain in her life. She's been tortured in myriad different ways, all fucking awful, and come out the other side stronger and more desensitized. But she still feels this pain. And she still has moments where it's terrifying and terrible and she just wants it to fucking stop. 

She clings to Oliver and he holds onto her for dear life. 

And then she pushes him away and asks for water, or air, or a blanket, or Felicity to cuddle with. 

She's quiet, for the most part. It's only at the end that she starts in with loud, low moans and “I can't do this,” and “Please don't make me do this.”

Thea brings her more water and reminds her that she'll get to meet her baby soon and then backs away to the corner where Sin is holding silent vigil. 

Felicity, for once, doesn't say much. She just takes turns rubbing her back or helping her change positions, only occasionally responding to Sara's desperate, “I can't,” with a firm but kind, “You can. You are.” 

She isn't fully aware when the sensations start to change but there is a clear point where she can't stop herself from pushing. Oliver helps her into a squat and a few pushes and almost blinding pain later, she's setting a perfect, pissed off, little girl onto the towels in front of her. She stares at her in awe for a moment before reaching out and dragging her hand along her side, then she pulls her up to her chest and leans back against Oliver as they both cradle their baby, whispering to each other and their little girl. 

The midwife quietly reminds Sara that she still needs to birth the placenta and Sara lets out a quiet little, “Fuck. Forgot about that.”

Oliver chuckles and helps her back up into a squat, supporting both Sara and their daughter. 

They're both so in awe of this little one that they barely take note when the placenta is born. 

They settle into the bed and Sara can't help but breathe in her baby over and over. 

Oliver keeps touching her face and hands but doesn't move to take her out of Sara's arms. There will be time for that later. 

There's a quiet parade of family members coming in to see a slightly cleaner baby girl, their well-wishes sweet and heartening, but Sara doesn't cry until her dad comes in and tells Sara and Oliver how freaking proud he is of them and how he thought she was crazy for not going to the hospital and he was worried sick but after talking with her friends he realizes (again) just how amazing his daughter is. 

Laurel and Dinah stop by a few hours later with gifts in hand. Dinah cooing and Laurel giving them both her congratulations and real genuine smile. 

After the midwife leaves and everything is cleaned up, only Felicity stays behind for the night. 

She tells them she plans on staying in the guest room next door, but they both stare her down, “You should stay in here, if you want. She'll probably cry a lot so you don't have to if you don't want to,” Sara cuts herself off, recognizing how much she sounds like Felicity in that moment. 

“I'll stay if you want me to.”

Sara looks up at Oliver, and he nods and assures Felicity, “We want you too.”

As the sun begins to set, Felicity makes a small nest on the couch that sits under the window in the master bedroom, happy to be close. 

The baby doesn't leave Sara's side, except when Sara gets up to shower, Oliver following her in to make sure all was well. Felicity stays with the baby, sitting cross-legged on the bed, just staring down at her as she sleeps. She can't keep the stupid, wistful smile off her face, as she puts the anxiety she feels about her role in this little family aside. 

The baby begins to whimper, so Felicity picks her up and cradles her close, making little shushing noises and whispering, “You're okay, little one. You're okay.”

She keeps the baby in her arms until Sara and Oliver return, settling in at the foot of the bed as Sara puts the baby to her breast to nurse her. The look on Oliver's face is so freaking loving and heart-wrenching it's makes her chest tight and her heart ache. 

“You're turn next,” Sara said, an amused look on her face. 

Felicity just shakes her head but doesn't reply. Looking at the three of them, she can't imagine ever needing to add to this. 

“Have you decided on a name?” she asks, deflecting. Plus she really is curious what they've decided on. She's been in on many of the baby name debates over the last few months and definitely has her favorites. 

“Tara Darya Lance-Queen but she'll probably go by Dasha,” Oliver doesn't take his eyes off their daughter. 

“It suits her.” Felicity stands and stretches before dropping a kiss on Dasha's forehead, then doing the same to Sara and Oliver. Oliver grabs her hand as she starts to walk away, kissing her knuckles and thanking her quietly before dropping her hand so she can walk back to the couch. 

Sara and the baby are tired enough to sleep through much of the night, only waking a few times to nurse and change a diaper. 

Oliver doesn't sleep much, waking every time he hears the house settling, or Felicity turning on the couch, or the baby sighing or Sara making the little noises in her sleep that she only lets out when she's so exhausted. Oliver is painfully aware that he thought he knew fear when he fell in love with Felicity and then with Sara. He thought he knew love, and the need to protect, and he did, but he didn't. 

In the morning he'll bring Diggle and Roy and maybe even Quentin in and all of them, Sara and Felicity included, will rehash security plans, set up more false identities, maybe set up a few more safe houses. But for now, he's going to enjoy these moments with his girls, his partners, his daughter. 

Dawn and the troubles that come with it will be here soon enough.


End file.
